12 Days of Grieving - P1

The Holidays are not so cheery for everyone. Instead of 12 days of Christmas, we often dread the moments. Although the Holiday cheer is in the air, grief sometimes over shadows the joy! There is often the battle between fond memories of yesteryears and the here and now. Right now, in the present I am full of sorrow, remorse, sadness and loss. How do I cope with this when I’m surrounded by “Holiday Cheer”?

For many the Holidays intensify the loss of those we have loved. It can also be a trigger that reminds us that we have lost a marriage, a friendship, a companion, a career, and another change in our life circumstances. When it comes to coping with grief, loss and change during the Holidays IT IS REAL! It can be depressing and disabling. When the Holidays come you may also feel the dread.

To be transparent, my most devastating Christmas memory is that of of a young boy sitting alone under an empty Christmas tree the week of my parents divorce. I have not faced a single Christmas in over 50 years that the memory of that childhood Christmas doesn’t come flooding my mind.

During a time where everyone wants to remind us that it’s the most WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, the last thing you may want to think about is a “holly, jolly joyful holiday.”

So…..how do we survive the inevitable holidays with a nap sack of humbug upon our back?

Over the next few weeks, our Hope and Healing blog is going to share a little hope to help us cope with our grief through the Holidays.

Day #1: Give Yourself Time & Space To Process Your Emotions

There is not a timeline on grieving. After a loss, you don’t just jump back to normal. You have heard is said, it’s OK to not feel OK. It’s also ok to completely acknowledge that you miss your loved one. You miss that relationship. You miss “normal”. It’s also ok to acknowledge the loss you feel! Go ahead and experience the emotions. Let them come. Don’t feel guilt for allowing yourself to grieve. Be kind to yourself! Be patient with yourself. Own those emotions. God gave them to you as a way to help you cope. Never hold it in. It’s not a weakness.

Day # 2: Find Time To Be Alone

Often times we may be labeled as anti-social when we choose to isolate ourselves from others when everyone else is celebrating. We may even feel a little guilt when we find a little joy has crept into our life. Are we afraid of the painful memories? Truth is….the memories will come. Truth is…..being around others during the Holidays may trigger our grief. We could be thinking that being a hermit during the Holidays will keep us emotionally safe….but healing cannot happen in a bubble.

We have to allow ourselves to find the healthy balance. Allow yourself, or maybe even push yourself to be with those who love you dearly. You may not recognize it right now, but those who love you also have hope for your healing. Let them pour into your healing.